Making new friends is the most ridiculous thing to do as you get older. I find it especially difficult because I know my thought process when I meet someone new and I can only assume their doing the same thing. Let's examine:
1. Initial overview and examination of what their saying and doing. Hoping they do something I can take back to the friends I have now to make fun of.
2. Getting pissed off at the idea of the person doing the same thing to me. Attempt to hide how fat I am. Tilting head to prevent view of my balding area. Slow down the pace of the conversation, as to make sure I don't show how crappy my personality is.
3. Continue to explore through conversation. Hope their stupid face slips up so I can belittle them and assert my dominance.
4. Inadvertently say something stupid giving them the upper hand. Hate myself for doing so. Think about ways to flagellate mentally and physically to punish myself for this mistake.
5. Self depricate to hide my shame and seem like I'm comfortable enough with them to show weakness. This is also meant to hide my intentions of conversational revenge.
6. Notice that their skills in pontificating are better than mine. Realize an alliance must be formed before they understand their strength.
7. As friends, bide my time to rise up and defeat this most formidable opponent. Until then, order another round of beer and high five a lot. Then ride into the night looking for other groups to war with.
(Please note this model is specifically for other males. There would be a female model as well, but unfortunatly I can't ever get a conversation going. Please note section 2 of the male model for reasons why.)
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