Been A While

I've spent the last year and a half cultivating the courage to pursue the deep dark dream that is performing in front of others. It comes in spurts of open mics and music, but I'm realizing that these short moments of creative exploration have just been a pressure valve for my increasing anxiety of pursuing it and failing. Because that's what happens to most of them. Bottle rockets that burn up with no boom at the end.

But this water that makes up the majority of my brain, has just been heating up, rapidly approaching the boiling point that will become my quarter-life crisis. I'm going to pursue this, with responsible abandon, until I become better at a job than I am at being a cartoon character. But that does beg the question, when to tap out like the rest of 'um. Time for a list!

1. You will keep going until the peer group around you is no more. Even though you know you're going to fail, you will have lasted longer than the people around you.

2. You will do this with the understanding that it's because you are a needy, self-centered egomaniac. You are not an artist, just a whore for attention.

3. You will change many of your habits in a effort to become pretty. And yes, pretty is the word that will be used right now because we both know handsome isn't what you mean. If you're to be seen, be worth seeing.

4. You will remember to define yourself by the thing that pays bills, not the thing you do in your free time. If this becomes the thing that feeds you, only then will you introduce yourself as(or let others introduce you as) a performer.

5. You will not let this get in the way of being responsible for paying your own fucking way. No one deserves to indulge your delusional ass for a second. Seriously.

6. You will remember that the only reason success is possible is that other people exist. This is where the golden rule becomes a bitch because if you want to be the most important person to walk into a room, you must treat the room like it's the most important person you've ever been in the presents of.

7. You will be classy and respectful when not doing your thing.

If these rules are not respected you will remove this stupid indulgence of self from the list of things you do and will focus on compromising your dreams like the rest of the adults.